The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/DasHexxchen on 2024-05-19 21:45:56.

My brother and his wife have 3 children 8, 5 and 3.

I am his younger sister, childless myself and recently left uni because of my severe depression, living at my parents house until I find a different career path. (But I also provide care for grandma and mother.)

The older two children get ready for the day alone, which the parents are very proud of. Basically they just get dressed in unmatched clothes. They are not washed, dressed for the weather or have brushed hair. (If they do, they forget the back.)

I actually forgot how it became the topic at my father’s birthday dinner. But they said their oldest doesn’t like to brush his hair. I said then they should do it, because it needs to be done. His decision if he does it or his parents. She told me she didn’t want to brush his hair, when she wants to get out of the house to work. (Mind you, she wears make up daily and my brother drives the children.) I stated how wrong I think this is and one should care for their kids after getting them.

She exploded. Told me she will not discuss this with a childless person without a degree. I told her quietly to watch what she sais. "No,you watch what you say."was the answer. Proceeds to tell me she always hated me and I am not to come to her youngest birthday party tomorrow. I said: “Didn’t you observe I have not visited you in over a year now?” Then got told she wouldn’t visit me either. I said: “I wouldn’t invite you. I don’t even know why you come here.” It’s not my decision,because this (parents place) is not my house.

I told her I am proud of her for finally showing her true colours, not communicating by putting my brother between us.

Today on the little one’s birthday the oldest let slip “We are not allowed to visit grandparents anymore because of aunt xyz.”

This is not the first time they are keeping the kids away from my parents. They regularly extorted my parents and her’s. (Until they were desperate for a baby sitter.)

My brother sits through all this and comments “It’s statistically proven that childless people comment more on other’s parenting.”

This was the second time I ever commented on a parenting issue of theirs. My field of study involved child sociology and developmental psychology. And I stand by keeping basic hygiene on a regular basis. We were not talking about arriving once with unkempt hair…

I feel so sad for my mom, who has been through this already and keeps her mouth shut for the sake of seeing her grand children…

So, am I the asshole for not having kept my mouth shut?