The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Square-Error7773 on 2024-04-29 21:25:56.
My boyfriend (20m) and i (19f) have been together for almost a year now and living together for a little over 6 months.
Here’s the problem. My boyfriend has a very controlling family. It’s one of those situations where everyone lives within 30 minutes of each other. We currently live 10 minutes from his parents house, are renting from his brother, and we can see his sisters house from ours, which is… interesting. They’re always up in our business and saying stuff they shouldn’t. It’s been suffocating to say the least.
I recently dyed my hair red because it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a bit. I have some of his family on Facebook so made sure not to post so that they wouldn’t see it and cause problems. I kind of forgot that sister lives next door and I guess she saw me outside with my new hair and went gossiping to the rest of the family. A few days after that my boyfriends dad (we’ll call him David) came by the house for some things and made a joke about me dipping myself in a vat of dye. It was funny enough, so I laughed and kept minding my business
A few minutes later David calls me over and says he needs to talk to me. The first thing he said was “You know I’m always straightforward about things…” He then went on to say that he didn’t know what was going on with me, but that whatever it was, this color didn’t look good on me. he said that natural hair always looks better on women and that I don’t look as attractive anymore with red hair. I said “Well I like it, and that’s all that matters” and started walking away while he yelled “oh come on, don’t say that! They told me you were sensible!!” I literally just went inside the house and slammed the door.
Similar things have happened before. At easter dinner David was hinting at what our sexual life was like and asking me if I was making sure my boyfriend was out early and in late so we couldn’t get up to anything “bad”. I replied that we both work early and what happens when we were in OUR OWN HOME shouldn’t matter. He then turned to my boyfriend and went “oh good you’re making your woman work!! That’s really good.”
My boyfriend hasn’t spoken up for me any of these times and I’ve talked to him about it and his excuse was that if he yells at his dad, we lose everything.
This is when I find out that the property he “owns” isn’t in his name yet and he only has his job because of his dad. In addition we rent from his brother, which I already knew, but putting everything together made it feel worse.
I told him if things got any worse I would have to move out because I feel trapped and I didn’t fight for independence from my own abusive and controlling parents just to end up in another similar situation as an adult. I told him he was welcome to leave with me but that I would eventually need to leave regardless. I am seriously considering moving away from everything so I can breathe and live life without someone looking over my shoulder. AITA for wanting to do this?