The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/veiledmarvel on 2025-02-23 19:00:01.
As a 52-year-old mother, I find myself in a bit of a dilemma regarding my daughter’s upcoming birthday celebrations. My daughter, 24(F) is nearing her graduation this spring, has been dreaming about celebrating her 25th birthday at this extravagant restaurant that features a stunning golf course and a lighthouse. This restaurant is a rather popular venue which is open to the public to be booked for weddings, birthday parties and other events. I can appreciate her enthusiasm and the allure of such a beautiful venue; however, I have my reservations.
Over the past year, she has expressed her desire for this particular place, and I’ve listened to her excitement (as well as expressed my doubts and disapprovals which I’ll discuss in a little bit). Recently, she decided to hold off on the celebration there, opting instead to save it for her 26th birthday when she has a job and can afford it herself. Her reasoning, has to do with our financial situation after my husband’s layoff. But I still have concerns.
First and foremost, I worry about the overall cost. This venue is not just a pretty backdrop; it’s a significant financial investment. There are not very many people she can invite, and neither do I. She told me that she wants to invite some of her friends, and she wants me to invite my Friends there too. While I do have some Friends who’ve invited us to their homes over the years, I’ve also experienced the other side of being left out by those same women and others. They’ve excluded me in the past from gatherings at their homes, and, often excluding me from important events. It’s hard to justify spending a large sum of money at a big venue to celebrate with people who haven’t reciprocated by including me in their lives. I’ve even had one Woman whom I’ve known for many years, openly brag to me about how she didn’t invite me to a celebration she held!
I want my daughter to have a memorable celebration, but I believe that those funds could be better spent on something more meaningful for her future. If we were to celebrate at home, I’d be more than willing to invite my friends and cover the costs, but I can’t bring myself to invest heavily in a venue for a gathering that doesn’t feel entirely reciprocal, with not many worthy people attending.
My daughter mentioned that she plans to pay for the venue herself for her 26th birthday once she has a job and is financially independent. While I support her decision, I would prefer that she saves that money for more important expenses.
I may be the asshole for:
- Possibly taking my own issues out on my daughter.
- Not validating her excitement enough.