The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Will5005 on 2025-02-21 14:10:49.

For context: My work requires a lot of concentration, and when I’m working from home, I sometimes don’t respond right away or ask my wife to repeat herself if she talks to me while I’m working. She does something similar, but not specifically when she’s working—rather, it’s when she’s on her phone. We’ve talked about this before, and as far as I knew, we were okay with it.

Today, I took a vacation day to spend quality time with my wife since I’ve been working long hours for the past four weeks. However, I needed to send an email and check a report early in the morning. While I was doing that, she started talking about an incident that happened roughly two years ago. She explained that she felt uncomfortable in a flight back then because an elderly person sitting next to her was giving her strange looks, and she felt like it was some sort of “silent racism”.

This was the first time she ever mentioned it. Honestly, I wasn’t paying full attention because I was focused on my work, but I responded with something like, “Yeah, there are always people like that acting like colonizers.” In hindsight, I realize it was a thoughtless comment, but I didn’t know what else to say at the moment.

She started crying, saying that I don’t pay attention to her and that I didn’t try to comfort her. I explained that I was working and reminded her that I get very focused when I’m in work mode. I also apologized and tried to reassure her, but she’s still upset.

The thing is, this happened two years ago, and she never mentioned it until today. I understand why she was hurt, but I also feel caught off guard.

AITA?

TL;DR: I was working from home while on vacation and didn’t pay full attention when my wife shared a hurtful experience from two years ago that she never mentioned before. I responded with a careless comment, and she got upset, saying I didn’t comfort her. I apologized and explained I was focused on work, but she’s still hurt. AITA?