The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Material-Rip6560 on 2025-02-21 04:35:13.

I just had an emotionally charged argument with my mom when I told her I think she and my dad don’t put enough effort into getting to know my sister’s bf. My sister and her bf have been dating for three years. I’ve heard my mom say she wishes he was more open/talked more before but brushed it off until recently. When we have dinner together (not often), it’s quiet and awkward. My parents are shy, especially my mom.

Now onto the argument. First, what happened, then my interpretation, then her reaction. While talking, she said she wished my sister’s bf was more hand gesture of move closer. I interpreted this as her wishing they had a better bond. She later said she meant she wished he was more talkative.

I told her I didn’t think she and my dad put in enough effort and gave an example of an awkward dinner where I had to intervene. She got very upset, saying they had tried and had discussed this before. I had struck a nerve without knowing. The argument escalated, with her defending herself, saying why was it up to them to talk to him? I said that if she wanted a stronger connection, she should put in effort. She took this as me saying she “didn’t gaf enough to try.” I reiterated that wasn’t my point.

It got to a point where she started crying, which caught me off guard. She later said she was hurt because she felt I viewed her negatively—“You should know me, how could you think I dgaf?” I apologized multiple times but also said that trying and needing to put in more effort weren’t mutually exclusive. This did not go well. At this point, I should have dropped it, but I was irritated that (1) this discussion had blown up so much and (2) she was making herself a victim when I wasn’t being outright mean. Harsh? Maybe. But not mean.

After nearly an hour of arguing, she still wouldn’t let it go unless I took back my statement. She kept twisting my words into “aha!” moments instead of listening. In my POV, I hit an insecurity, and she was seeking reassurance in the wrong way—by debating me.

So, AITA?