The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/pianohog on 2025-02-21 02:49:42.

Hi all. I got married to my husband 1 year ago and I am still wondering if I’m an AH…

Before we got married my husband and I talked and agreed that I could keep my current last name. If never occurred to me that I should tell anyone of our decision to not change my last name.

At our wedding the pastor announced us as Mr John and Mrs Jane (fake names for anonymity). No last name was announced. But I guess I did mention to my new SIL that I was keeping my name… I’m not sure if she told my in laws intentionally to cause conflict or if she actually didn’t realize I hadn’t told them.

Anyways, once we got back from our honeymoon and finished moving into our new house my husbands parents invited us over. What I thought was going to be a nice first visit as husband and wife quickly turned into a fight. My FIL said he had to have a serious conversation with me, and he began talking about how great and wonderful his last name is and how people will automatically respect me in his community just because I would have the same name as him. I calmly as I could (I was so upset at this point I could hardly talk) told him my reasons for not wanting to change my name. 1) it’s complicated and expensive to change id’s and such 2) my current last name is unique, I’ve never met another person outside of family with it 3) my home business and degree were established under my current name.

None of these reasons were good enough for him. He replied well other DIL changed her name and she has the same degree as you and then MIL said it didn’t cost her any money to change her name (but that was 40 yrs ago things change). I said I don’t feel that I further need to justify my decision to you since you’re not listening or understanding my perspective. Now, FIL says I am insulting him by rejecting his name and all his friends are going to suspect something is wrong and that I am making a mistake and that no one will respect me.

I am full on crying as this point and all I could I do was stand and say I am going home. As we are walking out FIL stands up and throws his hands up in a surrendering gesture saying I’m just trying to have a conversation.

I think I could be the AH for 2 reasons here 1) for not publicly announcing my intentions to keep my maiden name and 2) for walking out mid conversation with my new inlaws?