The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/alexforonce on 2025-02-20 01:40:34.

For some background: I (22F) have a younger brother (4y difference). Our family has a history of having “only girls” in line so naturally my brother is everyone’s treasure (especially our mother’s who treats him like some delicate flower). Basically, I grew up stuck between boarding school during the week and doing chores around the house on weekends because my brother was always “too young to do chores” or “it’s girl’s job to clean and cook”. It’s the same even today — I do chores, he goes out with friends.

I would lie if I said I don’t get annoyed by it — he’s clearly our parent’s favorite child and I often get told that I should “do better as a woman”.

In the past I used to be less vocal about it, but these days I’m starting to notice more things that don’t necessarily sit right with me, and one of them is my brother’s “coming of age” party. Here, that particular birthday party is the most important one you’d ever have.

Our parents organised everything for their son: reserved the venue, got him to invite all his friends and the whole family, hired a whole team just to decorate the venue in whatever theme their son picks, even managed to book a DJ that’s famous in the area and therefore hard to hire. And now, don’t get me wrong, I also think that this particular birthday is meant to be celebrated big, I really do. But I still remember mine.

My coming of age party wasn’t meant to happen. Our mother was against it, saying that we don’t have enough money to throw a whole party about it. At the time I was very persistent because I wanted to have this celebration. I fought with our mother about it really bad, and in the end it was dad who convinced her to allow it.

I did have my celebration, though now that I look back at it I really wish I didn’t.

My coming of age party was at a restaurant, with music played from a Spotify playlist, and just a few closest friends of mine (plus the close family). Am I saying it’s bad? No. It was a great night and everyone had fun. It’s just everything around it: all the fights to have the celebration, the pressure of choosing only the “smallest number of guests”, having to explain why I couldn’t invite all of them, and all the preparations I had to do on my own. I was also told to give away the money I got in presents to pay back my parents for the party.

**It’s a tradition that guests give you money for you to start your adulthood with it. Some people use it for college, some buy their first car with it, whatever is your priority. I didn’t get to keep it.*

And now that it is my brother’s turn to have his party, and seeing how different treatment he gets, I might have reached my limit. I pointed out how unfair it is (as our financial situation didn’t change) and told them that I will attend the party only if he will give away the money he receives, just like I was told to do. Otherwise, I won’t go there. I felt truly hurt, still do, but… Am I the asshole for giving such an ultimatum? Because I definitely feel like one.