The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/HugBalancingAct on 2025-02-19 10:43:49.

My BF [28M] (let’s call him Bob) and I [26F] have been dating for almost a year. I also have a best friend (let’s call him Alex) since childhood. Alex and I hang out all the time. Bob has always said that he’s okay with that since the very beginning. If he wasn’t okay with it, I wouldn’t have agreed to date him.

Plus, it’s not like we’re intentionally leaving Bob out. Alex has a very free work schedule, so it’s super easy for him to find time to hang out. Bob works all the time. A lot of the time when I invite Bob to come along, he’s busy with work. Oftentimes, even if he’s not busy with work, he just doesn’t want to come.

For example, Alex and I like watching horror movies. When we invite Bob to watch with us, he refuses.

Alex and I like japanese food. When we invite Bob to come and try a new restaurant, he refuses because he likes his fish cooked.

I got us tickets for a comedy show, but Bob decided he wasn’t really vibing with the comedian after all, so I gave the tickets to Alex and we went instead.

I wanted to take cooking classes together, but Bob wasn’t interested. Alex offered to teach me how to cook instead (it’s his hobby and he’s an excellent cook) so I don’t waste money on classes, so I’ve been spending a lot of him in his house and GIANT kitchen.

Recently, Bob blew up at me. He was yelling at me about how he’s always been suspicious about Alex and me, and how he’s banning me from continuing with my cooking classes because we’re spending too much time together. He thinks I’m “emotionally cheating” on him, and how I don’t treat him like a boyfriend, but I treat Alex like my boyfriend so I should go make Alex happy and go date him instead.

I’m just really confused because Alex is gay and he’s had a boyfriend of several years. Bob has met Alex’s boyfriend. He’s been to lot of the house parties they’ve hosted. However, we unfortunately live in a place where being gay still carries a lot of stigma, so Alex and his boyfriend have never been super in-your-face about it. Which means that Bob never got it through his thick skull that they were together.

Now he’s super mad at me for “making him suffer” and giving him “anxiety”. He says that if I had just told him that Alex was gay, then he wouldn’t have been so worried. I said that that’s none of my business and not my information to disclose, and if he was so concerned, why didn’t he come to me and have a proper discussion about it? All of his previous GF have cheated on him, and he thinks that since I knew that why didn’t I just tell him anyway?

AITA for not telling Bob that Alex is gay, and thus relieving him of a lot of anxiety