The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Standard_Display6293 on 2025-02-19 03:23:35.

This is a throwaway and all names have been changed. To explain the relationships here, I, 30f, married my husband, Alex 31m about a year ago, but we’ve been together for four years. He was previously married and after they had agreed to divorce, she told him she was pregnant. We’ll call his ex Kate, 30f. Kate had been cheating on Alex with Jess, 32f, for about a year. I had known Alex for years through mutual friends and I met his son when he was 6 months old.

So present day, kate and jess are together still, but very hot and cold. I went to pick up my stepson from school, Jess had dropped him off, and he seemed quiet and sad, I asked him what was wrong and he said he was sad because he had no hair. He has beautiful curly hair he told us he wanted to grow out into a mullet. At that time, my husband cleared it with his mom that they were both ok with that, and she agreed to have me trim it as needed like around his ears.

He took his hat off and it was buzzed down to his scalp. I was shocked but just said ‘well I think you look very handsome but I thought you wanted to grow it out, why did you cut it’

Apparently Jess was going to ‘trim’ it and forgot to put a guard on, when she realized that, it was too late and she had to buzz it.

When we got home I called kate. She didn’t know how bad the haircut was and was tied up at a work event. She suggested I make sure I get the whole story on what happened so with her permission I went right to Jess after I called my husband, who was driving home from a couple hours away, and explained what was going on.

So I call Jess, ask to verify what he said and tell her how upset he was. She said that is exactly what happened but didn’t see why it was such a big deal. She kept saying I’m overreacting and it’s just hair so I tried to explain that as a kid there’s so much he doesn’t get a say in, so it was a big deal to him. I told her she should never go near his head with clippers again.

She came back with ‘well you’re not his mom’ and when I reminded her she wasn’t either she said ‘I’m a hell of a lot closer than you, I’ve been there since day 1’ to which I said ‘yeah, because you were an affair partner. Don’t cut his hair again’ and hung up.

I called my husband back to explain everything and calm down, he had been on the phone with kate discussing things as well, and I texted Kate to give an overview and say I was sorry if I overreacted.

It’s the next day and Jess is trying to tell Kate I shouldn’t be allowed to cut his hair if she can’t, and i need to get my ‘parenting privileges’ taken away. I think that’s crazy. And just to clarify my role as a stepparent, kate and my husband meet twice a year alone to discuss parenting things, and at the last one kate said she is comfortable with seeing me as a parent and is ready to include me in the meetings going forward. But AITAH for being upset with Jess for not only buzzing his hair but for how she reacted trying to minimize it?