The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mercator87 on 2025-02-19 02:02:12.

My partner, who I’ll call Nate, and I have been together for 5 years. He has two wonderful girls from his previous marriage (Lily 10 and Sarah 6) and he has 50% custody. Nate was understandably protective of his girls and didn’t want to introduce me until he was sure I would be around for a good long while. I met them a year after we started dating and was in their lives consistently since then. Nate and I have plans to get married and we’re currently looking for a house together. Over a year ago I moved into his current house and I’m a step-mom to his girls in everything but title. The girls and I get along very well and I love them very much. We spend a lot of time together, live in the same home, go on family trips together, and have become a family unit.

This past year Nate has made a real effort to include me in all holidays and family events, which the girls have been very happy about.

The girls’ school has an annual family dance. You buy tickets, there’s a theme and dinner and everyone dresses up and they take formal family photos. Last year I’d just moved in, so I stayed home while Nate and the girls went with their mom. Nate told me that next year (this year) would be better to include me.

Fast forward to now and the girls told me how excited they were for me to come. I was so happy to be included this year and have a fun dance with them. I even picked out a dress to wear that matched their theme.

A week later Nate says, I feel so bad telling you this, but the girls don’t want you to come to the dance. He said they wanted it to just be them and their mom and dad. I could tell that Nate had no idea how badly he’d just hurt me, but I was completely crushed. I asked him if I wasn’t a member of the family, and he said I was. I asked then why the kids would get to make the decision to exclude a family member. He didn’t have an answer. I told him that even if they hadn’t wanted their mom or dad to go, they wouldn’t have been allowed to make the decision to exclude them.

The entire thing makes me feel like I’m some kind of optional add-on. It’s especially hurtful that I consider them my family but they and my partner get to make the decision on whether I’m invited to a family event. I do get that the girls would love to play pretend for the night in a public setting that their parents are still together. That it’s more comfortable and easier for them. I really blame Nate for allowing them the power to exclude a family member (as I have been told I am one). As I mentioned before, it would be unthinkable for them to exclude their mom if Lily didn’t feel like having her there, or Sarah being excluded because Lily didn’t want her to go.

I am also sad and grossed out to think of them all playing a happy family together while I sit at home. I’ve worked so hard for years to build loving and supportive relationships with these girls, and my partner just let them dismiss me like I’m just some kind of family friend.

So AITAH for getting so upset about this?