The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/TastyShelter on 2025-02-09 03:25:46.

My sister (Juliet) and her husband / my BIL (Easton) recently had their first child 2 years ago. Once he had the baby, Easton went on maternity leave for a year. During that time, Juliet stopped going out with friends all the time and stopped going to her D&D group because she always said, “It would be unfair to him to leave him alone with the baby.” This is understandable the first year, however the baby is now two and she hasn’t resumed any habitual rock climbing, D&D, etc. When I come home to visit for a week, she says she can’t come out because she has to put the baby to bed. Whenever I ask if Juliet if Easton can put the baby to bed alone, she says, “That’s not very nice, he’s been working a lot.”

They’re visiting me in my home city this weekend for a convention (we see each other 2-3 times a year), and a few days in advance, on a Saturday night where they didn’t have plans, I asked for them to come out to this VR bar that has AR immersion with art installations to walk through. The glasses have tracking on them so you can see where everyone’s drink is during full immersion, and you can craft cocktails from inside the viewer to send to the bartender. Juliet has been a huge fan of VR since it came out and is always excited to try it. Whenever we come to her place, we always make a point of playing asymmetrical VR games together. So because I love her, I solidified the plans when they arrived.

Easton asked his parents (they all flew out) if they could watch the baby, and they said yes until 12. As the time was approaching, he was texting that the snow was getting bigger, I said it’s not an issue for transit. So rather than just be out for a short amount of time and bother the parents, I suggested it might be easier for it to be a girls’ night (we were planning to meet up with other friends) and Easton put the baby to bed. Juliet replied, “I don’t think that’s very nice, we’ll just see you tomorrow.”

I feel like I want to tell them that she doesn’t need to cut off the joys of her life so that she can help her husband put the baby to bed. Wouldn’t her husband, who vowed to love serve and ensure happiness, want to see her happy and accommodate for her to go be joyful with family doing something she loves? Juliet doesn’t seem to think she can, and Easton doesn’t put forward the offer for her to enjoy herself unless he’s surrounded by my family. I’m not sure if it’s new parent vibes or if he’s got her under his finger.

AITA for asking for a girls’ night while she’s visiting for 4 days in the city, and WIBTA if I tell him that shouldn’t he want to make a sacrifice for her to at least resume her D&D group?

UPDATE at 148 comments: Clickbait title eh? I appreciate all your responses. I added names for ease. It’s tough for me to accept how she’s matured, because I want to see her chasing the joy she once had, but I also realize that she’s pruned priorities. It’s hard watch sometimes as I feel she’s staying stuck in a zone where she’s not honoring the parts of herself that used to thrive. I think my frustration comes from seeing how much she’s changed under his influence, almost like she’s trying to keep him happy while quietly letting go of her own dreams. The more I reflect, the more I see how much his unspoken expectations and maybe his own fears have impacted her choices and values, leading her to prioritize family life in a way that feels like she uses it to justify changing her old values and keeping Easton not stressed.

I just want to help her reconnect with some of that childhood joy for herself again. Thanks again for all the insights and thoughtful responses—it’s really helped me see things from a new perspective! Not entirely my business how people run a family routine, especially if I’ve never had kids!

Reddit can never explain the whole complexity and nuances of the situation, capturing all the repeated actions that build to our attitudes and ideas. However, if you see something that I don’t through my perspective and yours, why would you choose to punish and lacerate my actions stemmed from desiring love, being immature, and holding out hope for childish excitement? I should have more respect for how she chooses to live her life, and I should be less hostile to Easton for changing my sister in ways that I wanted for her since we were young. And I am learning. Give me grace or give me mace, one can get through and spread joy, the other may get through and satisfies your urges. Jeez