The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Weak_Fish2027 on 2024-12-07 02:12:14.

My (24F) bf (25M) and I have been together for 4 yrs, planning to marry in 2-3 yrs. His family lives overseas, and he’s been independent since a young age. Future plans have been coming up, including his wish for his bro(15m) to move here in 2-3 yrs, finish high school, and attend college while living with him.

We currently live separately and decided not to move in until marriage. Our relationship has generally been respectful and communicative, though the last year has been rocky, primarily due to family-related issues.

My issue is if we are planning to get married in 2-3 yrs and his bro comes to live with him then, that would mean that our married life would start off with 3 people in the family.

I have told him that if his bro is coming here to finish hs and not an adult yet, then he can stay with us. While this would make me somewhat uncomfortable to start my marriage in a house with my husband and his bro, I understand that his teenage bro would not be able to live by himself. However, my bf is persistent on having his bro stay with him, even after he starts college and FINISHES college.

To give a bit of context, I have spent time with his family to get to know them. His bro looks up to my bf a lot, has love and respect for him and would do ALMOST ANYTHING that my bf tells him to do. However, his attitude towards me is not the same. He often is very disrespectful towards me, calls me names “jokingly”, or even treats me like I am not better than anyone in his family. Their family laughs it off saying that “he is just being a teenager”. Like I mentioned earlier, while I don’t have siblings, my cousins are the closest to me and some are around the same age as my bf’s bro. They have never been rude to my bf; if there was a time where they have, I have made it clear that it was not okay. Therefore, I expect the same respect from my bf.

I suggested that his bro can stay with us until he is 18. However, after his bro turns 18, he would have to move out. This would be when he goes to college after hs. Furthermore, if my bf is worried about his bro, we can have him live next door, as long as it is not under the same roof, and I get my privacy in my own home. However, my bf did not like this idea.

We had a lot of arguments about this and my bf would not budge from this decision. At this point, I have told him that if after we get married, I cannot spend private time with my husband, then I would not be okay with continuing this relationship. My bf accused me of trying to keep his family away from him. He went as far to tell me that because I am an only child, I never understood the value of family. I am just upset, feel disrespected, hurt and heartbroken. I have thought about this for a while, and I have decided that if my bf and I are not on the same page about this, it would be best to breakup and go our separate ways. To this, my bf accused me of giving him an ultimatum.