The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Free_Wallaby762 on 2024-10-12 20:23:18.

I (42F) am probably neurodivergent. Through childhood, teens and 20s people would often tell me I was rude or inconsiderate. I never wanted to make people feel bad, so I learned to compensate for the fact that I don’t know certain things I am supposed to know by being overly polite and accommodating. This has worked pretty well and most people think I am a little weird, but overall nice. The downside of being so polite is sometimes people, mostly men, think I am a push over and try to take advantage of me. I do not like this and it upsets me.

My husband and I rent a co-op from my MIL. Our co-op is in a middle class neighborhood and is not very flashy. The people who live there with us are mostly retirees on pensions and a few families. Some people of the older generations are probably well off, no one is rich.

One of the doormen in our building started acting really nice to me and going out of his way to help me. I was suspicious at first, but figured that maybe he was embarrassed by how he treated me when we first moved into the building and was overcompensating. He wasn’t mean or rude, but for some reason he thought I was someone’s cleaning lady. The first three months, he would ask me who I was working for. If I entered the building late, he would tell me I cannot clean at night. I would explain that I lived there and he’d let me go. It didn’t really bother me, but none of the other doormen did this. The doorman finally realized I lived there when he saw me leaving with my husband.

Few days ago the doorman helps me with my grocery cart to the elevator. Then he asks me, “Can I ask you for a favor?” I thought maybe I did something rude without knowing it and he wanted to tell me not to do whatever rude thing I have been doing; I say, “sure.” He smiles and asks me if he can borrow $100. I start laughing (which I realize is very rude) because I find the request absurd. I told him that I do not have that kind of money and that I am on foodstamps. He says sorry and goes back to the desk. In retrospect, I probably could have handled that interaction better.

Now I avoid going through the lobby when this doorman is working, I use the basement exit instead. I told my husband that I would not be able to get any packages when this doorman is working and my husband said that it was all right, he would take care of it.

The holidays are coming up and my husband and I usually save up and give each of the doormen $75. My question is WIBTA if I didn’t tip this doorman? Even though I do not have any contact with him anymore, my husband still does and the doorman does things like receive our packages and sort them in the mailroom. I guess my issue is that I still feel like he was trying to take advantage of me, which makes me angry. But I don’t have proof outside my “gut” that says he behaved in a similar pattern to people who have tried to scam me in the past. But these are just feelings and without evidence to back them up.