The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAthrowaway38389 on 2024-10-12 19:39:20.

A few weeks ago while at my friend’s (let’s call her “M”), I accidentally left my medication out, and M’s dog ate it. She had to take her dog to the hospital and ended up spending about $1,500 on treatment. I feel awful about it, but I’m currently unemployed and don’t have any money. Because of this, I didn’t offer to help pay the vet bills, thinking she could handle it since she has savings.

Today, she brought it up when I mentioned wanting to finance a PS5 (just $42/month since I can’t pay outright). She said it wasn’t fair that I was thinking about buying something for myself when I hadn’t offered to help with the bills. I told her I didn’t offer because I literally don’t have the money and that if she had asked me directly, I would’ve tried to pay over time. Now M’s upset and feels like I’m dismissing her, but I was so scared for her dog I literally threw up so I don’t understand how I’m being dismissive.

AITA for not offering to pay when I’m broke? And is it wrong of me to want to buy things for myself when I still feel guilty about what happened?

UPDATE 10/12 10:20pm CT: This was actually written from the dog owner’s perspective, “M”. I covered the full medical expenses and didn’t ask my friend to pay because she told me earlier that day she was struggling to pay for food, and she’s a close friend so I didn’t want to add to her burdens even though I’m struggling as well. I paid for our food and wine that night. Then, when she told me she was thinking of buying a PS5 and I questioned why she would make a luxury expense when she didn’t offer to help pay Maya’s medical bill, she attempted to villainize and emotionally manipulate me. I sent her this post and said “thought it might help to see how others are seeing this situation” and she (or her sibling) is now commenting on this post going off, so I’ve posted our full conversation here since I was actually giving her the benefit of the doubt in the initial post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1g281l9/comment/lro0hys/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button (& a screenshot of our conversation with dates): https://imgur.com/a/KjJmTaX

Also screenshot of my receipts to prove this isn’t bait: https://imgur.com/a/CjJWXdK

Some key points:

  • This happened just about 2 weeks ago. I didn’t ask her to help pay because she told me she was struggling to pay for her food, and I didn’t want to add to her burdens since I do have emergency funds set aside, and our friendship was valuable to me. I make 42k and I make constant sacrifices to build my savings, even though most months I’m at a deficit. She is very aware that I struggle with funds.
  • She commented that she DID offer to pay over time, but as noted in the comment exchange, she did not. She was with me when the hospital told me what the expenses were, and she remained silent, even though I kept bringing up how I don’t know how I’m going to afford it.
  • She says that I “often have money and a lot of nice things” which makes me feel like noting she is 30, lives with her parents and doesn’t pay rent, and had a job that paid nearly double what I make for years before getting laid off and she is choosing to remain unemployed after the layoff. If I have savings and she doesn’t, there’s a good reason for that.
    • Additional note: She spends thousands of dollars on kpop albums, concert tickets, travel expenses for kpop shows, and has admitted to have a spending addiction. I had no issue with these things as they didn’t affect me, until she played the victim today for not having savings.
  • My comment responses from her perspective used words she explicitly said to me - I didn’t fictionalize any of it.
  • When Maya was hospitalized, I couldn’t stop crying and couldn’t sleep. I kept checking my phone throughout the night thinking I was going to get a call that she had died. For days afterwards, I couldn’t take my eyes off her in case she had side effects or permanent brain damage. I’m still too scared to leave her alone for more than an hour or two because I’m terrified something will happen to her.