The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/LocationRegular9340 on 2024-10-12 13:27:42.

My husband and I (both 47) brought one child each into our marriage, his daughter (24) and my son (22). My husband and I have been married for 17 years and we all get along for the most part.

The biggest continuing issue we have is that I make my step daughter do more chores and that’s almost always been the case. I work 30-40 hours a week and my husband works around 50 so I handle a lot more of the household and child care. She often complained to her father who complained to me but I felt like he agreed more with me because he only mentioned she complained and let it go.

The chores were fairly light and even through elementary school for both of them. When they got to middle school though my son started taking advanced placement classes, which have more homework. He also started doing some volunteer work, mentoring younger kids. He’s always been very scholarship minded because he knew we didn’t have a lot to save back. The chores were still pretty even, but on days when his tutoring/mentoring ran late, I did them. I didn’t do the same for her when she was out later with friends. She has always been well liked with lots of friends because she has a very bright, fun personality. In HS, my son picked up more volunteer hours, college prep and AP classes, and got a job. He paid for his “extras” and she had to earn her allowance. That’s when the bigger discrepancy happened.

Now he’s going into his graduate program, doing research, working two part-time jobs, and still tutoring on the side. We pay for his housing, food, etc so he can save some money. She’s still very much a social butterfly and I love that she has so many people who love her. But she has no job, no college, and isn’t trying to get either. We’ve offered to help her any way we can but she just says she’s too busy. So she has far more chores than him.

Apparently she complained more to her father and he has finally decided I need to balance it out more. I don’t even know how when my son has so little time and told him no.

They both say I’m being unfair and the more I think about it, I don’t know. Aita?

Edit: Her chores are to sweep, dust when necessary, and wash bedding and towels once a week. Her allowance is $1,000/month from her father. His chores are take out the trash, load the dishwasher, cook his own food. He also helps with outside chores when asked. He declined an allowance because he knows we are trying to save money ourselves and he has a job. I do the cooking, mopping, kitchen and bathroom cleaning myself.