The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Appropriate_Hair7518 on 2024-10-12 14:47:09.

I (27f) and my partner (28m) are planning a new bathroom. I suggested we go to look at bathroom shops and he begrudgingly agreed. I knew he would lag so planned in a trip to a bakery as a treat to break up visits.

At the shop before the bakery, he said he needed to pee. He has an undiagnosed but real issue of suddenly needing to pee quickly and at that point I also needed to go too! I suggested we still go to the bakery after anyway as there was likely a toilet there and it was just around the corner. The bakery was in a courtyard, each unit doesn’t have its own toilet but there is usually one for the complex, we just needed to ask where. He refused to ask the server while we were in the queue (around a 5-minute wait), so I suggested he go to the petrol station over the road as I’ve used theirs before. I wait in the line for 5 mins, collect the goods and asked for the toilet and I used it. I message my partner to let him know there was one there too.

When leaving, I call him to say there is a loo and if he still needed, he could use it. He said he was in the petrol station waiting behind someone to go to the toilet. I say I’d drive over and pick him up and asked if he would like to go to a vintage market after, he said ‘yeah if I can use this toilet’. I then walk to the car and drive over thinking all was fine. When arriving he calls to ask where I am, I was at the petrol station. He’d walked back to the bakery despite me saying I’d get him, and he said he didn’t use the petrol station toilet because it was locked. I asked whether he asked the staff, he said no. I am then annoyed, he just needed to ask at both places to use the toilet, but he refused. I understand he would be stressed because he would need to go but it was frustrating that he wouldn’t advocate for himself.

I raise my voice on the phone and say this is ridiculous. I was also just frustrated because I knew he’d want to go straight home, and he would be hurt that I got annoyed. When driving home, he said he’d never agreed to go to a market afterwards, that I always get annoyed when plans don’t go my way, that I treat him poorly considering his condition, and never appreciate this is a need of his that I need to support and accommodate. He thought it was selfish of me to go to the bakery despite not being 100% sure there was a toilet there and that it was unreasonable for him to ask a server while still in the queue. I felt hurt, this was a nice trip out that had turned sour, I presented two options to solve the issue, and I had managed to go to the toilet so felt that this was avoidable. I also felt that to just go home was annoying as there was another bathroom shop planned on the list which was now written off. I was also conscious that he lay the blame at my feet and that he still needed to go to the bathroom he was growing in discomfort.

AITA?