The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Happy-Quail-5649 on 2024-10-12 05:23:58.

AITA for asking a friend not to come over this weekend?

I (27, female) live with a roommate (27, female) and we have a mutual friend (27, female) (platonic, but an amiable ex of roommate) who stays with us most weekends so we can hang out. The friend ‘Sarah’ lives in the city and we live in the suburb, so Sarah stays with us because it’s easier than commuting. Roommate, ‘Tori’, has a cat. End context.

Last Saturday, my grandmother died. I am heartbroken, but due to various work events and time-sensitive things, I cannot take leave right now and have been powering through it, hoping to process the death properly on the weekend when I can take time to be sad and maybe have a drink or two. On Wednesday, my grandfather died. At this point my life feels like a cosmic joke, but I know that if I let myself grieve right now, I’m going to be unable to work and I can’t afford that right now. So this weekend, I planned to remember them and grieve privately. I hate making a scene and empty pity makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so I don’t typically let on when things like this happen.

I sent a message to a group chat that Tori, Sarah, and I are all in asking for the typical weekend hangout to happen at Sarah’s place this weekend because work had been stressful and I needed some quiet, alone time. Sarah responds by asking if she could come over to the apartment for a bit because she “misses Gross [the cat]”. I replied that I had just lost two grandparents, and I really needed the personal space.

Sarah responds again with this: “Oh no, I’m so sorry! That’s really hard. I totally hear that request and I don’t want to be a jerk, but might there be a couple hours when you’re already planning to be out of the apartment for something? I get that quiet need but I’d love to see Groose even for an hour or two”

I was flabbergasted and speechless. I honestly don’t know how to respond. I didn’t think it so unreasonable a request, but am I just being a jerk for breaking our weekly hangout?

TLDR: My grandparents died and I don’t feel like socializing this weekend. My friend keeps insisting.

AITA?