The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/m22211 on 2024-10-12 04:36:01.

This happened 2 months ago, but I(F22) just saw him(M31) on a dating app and all emotions came back.

We met in May and had an amazing first date. Our first time having sex didn’t go well (it was my first)—it was very painful for me, and he was only able to penetrate me for a few seconds while saying, “I know it hurts, but you need to tolerate it.” He later disappeared for 5 days and said he was leaning towards ending things because he felt like he was forcing sex on me and that I wasn’t in the moment.

I told him I didn’t feel forced, and we tried sex again. At this point, we hadn’t discussed exclusivity but before having sex I asked if he saw this as casual, and he said he saw us as something long-term. The day after, he went on a date with someone he knew in the past while on a trip. They kissed, but he said the date didn’t go well. He said we were on different pages but agreed to be exclusive. He was evasive, and when I asked if he would hook up with someone if they texted first, he said it would depend on if he had a crush on them. I let it go, and we had sex that night.

After this, he texted me normally and then disappeared for days and only replied because I lashed out and called him immature. He said he felt indignant about the exclusivity situation and was taking it out by ignoring me.

Two days later, we met up and talked. He said he likes taking things slow (ie regretted agreeing to exclusivity). He said he likes me, wants something long-term, and I’m not a placeholder.

We tried to have sex in his car, but he almost put it in the wrong hole. I didn’t say anything because I thought he wouldn’t confuse the two, but I was wrong. I told him, and he said he didn’t know and that “it fit.” He tried again in the right spot, but I wasn’t turned on, and it hurt. I was uncomfortable at this point so I got up, put my clothes on, and gave him a blowjob, but I couldn’t swallow. I put my shoes on right away to step out because I needed to breathe. He was upset and said he felt used, and that people usually cuddle after. I apologised and tried to explain myself but he was upset to the point he took his cigarette out and started smoking and walked out of the car to “calm down”. He said, “This is barely three dates and we’re having this many back and forths.” He also said I seemed to enjoy being right, which scared him. I apologized and said I had difficulty saying no to sex tonight, which pissed him off. He said he felt like I was forcing myself to have sex with him and that we’re not communicating well. Eventually, he said, “I don’t think we should see each other again".

The next day, I was emotional and sent a text apologizing again, saying I’m open to a pause for weeks/months, which I regret.

Seeing him on a dating app confirmed he doesn’t care, and I feel like I lost my dignity sending that text. I wonder if I was the asshole for not giving him aftercare or if he never liked me and was going to end it anyway. Was I the problem, and now he’ll happily date someone better? I feel like I lost my dignity either way.