The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Iamoldsowhat on 2024-10-02 10:17:02.

so I have this theory (maybe faulty) that when one hosts a dinner party, the host(s) does everything and guests relax. whenever I have guests over, I don’t want them helping me set the table, or doing the dishes, I want them having fun and drinking and enjoying.

I was recently at my in laws. my MIL cooked up a storm and was frantically running in and out of the kitchen with various dishes, etc. I ate, took my plate to the kitchen, rinsed it off, then I saw my FIL sitting watching the game on tv so I sat with him and chatted, sipping wine.

when we got home, my husband was really upset I did not help his mom bring out the dishes, or clean up after the dinner. I was surprised and said I am the guest, when she is over our house I don’t ask her. he said “but she always offers. you should have offered.” I said but I don’t feel like doing housework when I am a guest at someone’s house. I don’t really like cooking and usually order take out when I have guests. my husband said “this is not some stranger, this is family, you didn’t see how tired my mom was? everyone was helping and you just sat there and drank like a spoiled princess.” he likes to bring that up because I am an only child and maybe I am a little spoiled. when I brought up his father and how the father was not helping, he got even angrier.

so I don’t know maybe I am in the wrong here. but I don’t want to be handling dishes and stuff when I am tipsy.

Ages for those who interested: me and husband 45f/45m; mother and father in law both 70.

EDIT: people asking me if husband helped. yes he did but he just needed to carry plates from table to kitchen. women were expected to help prep the food and I am not great at cutting food or cooking

UPDATE-thanks for the comments. I am a bit spoiled and a bit of a princess now that I realize. can I offer to help but put up boundaries? like I don’t like prepping food. I can carry stuff to and from the kitchen. like one time my mil asked me to cut vegetables and it was very difficult and I could hear she was getting a little frustrated and said “it’s ok I will do it myself”.