The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Limp_Employee1490 on 2024-06-14 19:28:29.

My long term boyfriend (27m) and I (27f) have been living together for 5 years, since college. I have always been more financially comfortable, even in our school days, since my parents gave me more than enough and his parents didn’t. I understand that’s a privilege.

He chose a niche major and he just got a new job that pays USD 55k annually. I’m making USD 90k annually. Right now he needs to pay USD 400 monthly for 3 months until he can get healthcare from his job. I cover utilities like wifi and power because he’s still finding job stability and I don’t mind. We waste a lot of money on takeout and weed and frankly I don’t think he can afford that lifestyle.

I want to note that aside from money problems, I really love my boyfriend. He is supportive and honest and loving and we’re the perfect fit. We’ve been together for 8 years and been through lots of ups and down together and he’s the person I want to be with for life.

Throughout the past 2 years, he has accumulated a debt of $10k+ to me from missed rent payments and me covering for his car insurance, weed picks (we both smoke), etc. A few months ago we had a big talk because I knew he owed me some money, but he only just told me he never paid me back for 4 whole months of rent, when I asked him how many months did he owe me. Big talk: me raging and him apologizing basically. He always says things like “I’m kinda low this month. Mind covering for me and I’ll pay you back?” But he neglected to tell me that he never paid me back.

After the talk, his solution was to pay me 10% of his income every month. With his current income, it’ll take 2-3 years before he can pay off his debt. I told him that he needs to cover my part of rent for the next 10 months instead. I vowed to myself at this point that I will respect myself and be much harder on him from now on.

June came along and he sent me $900 for rent ($1100 monthly per person) and asked if we can delay the plan by one month and he will pay the rest of his share ($200) when he gets paid the friday after. I said fine but he needs to pay 50% of my share, so he was supposed to pay me $750 on his payday. A week after payday I told him to pay up. He said he had car maintenance fees, etc. and he was really struggling and can’t pay me right now. He sounded really troubled. I got pissed and told him to pay me AT LEAST his share ($200). We got into a huge fight and he told me to be more understanding because he would have only a few bucks to survive on for the next week. I did not let it go until he paid me the $200.

AITA for forcing him to pay me back his share of rent when he may not have enough to survive?

Some more facts:

• he had a debt of around 1-2k to me that I’ve forgiven in college because he was struggling financially. I made him promise to get better at money.
• he is not ready to get married because he wasn’t making/haven’t saved up enough. I think it’s noble of him but also I haven’t seen him make any long term goals to save up.