The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ProfessionalThen6576 on 2024-06-08 16:40:00.

I(F25) live with Gia(F27) & Tony(M26) since 3y. We are close friends, supporting each other during dating crises, family issues & health scares. I met my friend Dustin(M25) a year ago. We had a great time together and he was the first person I liked in a long time after my ex. I talked about him at home.

3 months ago, I had a medical emergency. After this, Dustin came to my place almost every day to cheer me up during my recovery. My flatmates and I discussed daily whether Dustin was romantically interested in me. Gia was supportive but often told me what I wanted to hear, while Tony based his opinion on what he saw. Both convinced me he was into me and were happy he seemed to care about me.

Several weeks later I discover that Dustin had a date with a friend of Gia’s, whom he met at a party I hosted. Gia knew and didn’t tell me. I was upset with her as this info was crucial for managing my expectations. I told Dustin my flatmates were shipping us and I was open to exploring a romantic connection. He admitted he was aware I liked him but only enjoyed spending time with me as a friend. He talked about his insecurity and tendency to say yes to everything. This lowered my opinion of him, but at least I knew. We stayed friends but saw less of each other. I was getting over the crush.

A month after Dustin sees me on a dating app (I told him I swiped him right but didn’t), then bumps into Gia and asks her out! Gia said yes, got his number & later asked me about my feelings before texting him. She said she didn’t want drama & was informing me but didn’t deny being interested & was asking “permission” to date him.

She put me in a shitty position,making me seem controlling/jealous when I am just hurt she prioritized a date over our three-year friendship. If I were her, I would have laughed it off, indicating it was inappropriate for him to ask me out.

Gia hates confrontation and never says no, often goes out with taken/poly men. While Tony & I try to advise her on her private life, her lack of judgment now affects mine.

AITA for expecting her to prioritize our friendship over this problematic guy and decline his date invite immediately? She has to see the consequences of her actions. I will be just a polite flatmate to Gia, no longer confiding in her.

For Gia I am an A-hole for being so dramatic when she did not even go out with my crush. For me her instinctive first response showed what she wanted & said enough about the type of friend she is.

• I don’t trust Gia anymore. Her actions and words feel disingenuous.
• This mirrors past experiences where close female friends “stole” guys I was interested in, which Gia knew about.
• Gia had also been overly friendly with my ex-boyfriend.
• This makes our harmonious living situation awkward. She will stay min. 5 more months. We planned to move to a new place together, which I won’t do now.